The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
