I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
