im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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