No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
