I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
