my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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