I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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