Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
