Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
