i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
