he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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