Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
