wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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