Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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