Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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