whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
