Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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