I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
