why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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