Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
