i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
