shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
