Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
