i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
