At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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