Got a toothbrush?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
