my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
