Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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