his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
