i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
