Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just found a bag of teeth...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
