I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
