bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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