2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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