Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
