Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
