you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
