i already hear my dad disowning me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
