Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
