new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize