i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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