Barsexuality is the new black.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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