I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
