I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize