Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize