i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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