smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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