What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
