Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
