I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
