Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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