I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
