My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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