I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
