last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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