Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He better not be in your backpack
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize