Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
