If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
