I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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