i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
