It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Randomize
