Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
