i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
