I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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