So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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