her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What a dumb baby whore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
