I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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