you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize