Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
