apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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