so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
