my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
