discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
