So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
