Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
