Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
worst night to have a conscience
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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