He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
