Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
