I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize