i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
where are you?
Hypothermia
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
