There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
