Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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