had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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