At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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