During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
