I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
