Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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