im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
