Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
