My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
