babies were throwing up all over the place
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
