nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The uberlube is also flammable
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
